Things to Remember

This hasn't been the best year for me. I have been struggling.

Struggling with My Self: Those questions of what the heck am I doing? What do I want from this life?

Struggling with work: I just can't seem to pull it together. My desire is all but gone. I used to want to succeed. To put forth my best effort and make a difference.

Struggling with my body: Overeating. Not choosing healthy foods. Not exercising enough. Increased pain. New physical issues. Increased medications. Increased frustration.

Struggling on being: How to truly be myself around friends and family and not play into preconcieved notions on who I should be.

But... beyond this... are things I need to take and treasure with me from this year.

NJ has learned to walk, no... run. It happened within days. She still looks at times like a drunk little sprite, but that waddle is so absolutely precious. And her smile? She got those first four teeth so quickly (four months!) and then it took FOREVER for others to follow. She has the widest gap-toothed smile, that is ALWAYS filled with joy. Simple, pure joy.

It's a deceptive smile, innocent and sweet. Sweet, she certainly can be. Innocent? Not on your life. NJ is a true spitfire, through and through. She's curious and always on the go. (Physically and mentally.) Her first words were: "Mama," "Bubba" (G) and "Dada" in that order. Bubba is usually BUH-BBBAAA!!!! (Her men are wrapped around her little finger.) Oh, I forgot, her men includes her grandfather, "GoStars" as known by the other three grandkids but to NJ, he's her "Buh-bee." (buddy) We'll see which names sticks in the long run. I think my dad is kind of sweet on the special nickname.

I hate to say it, but I think that's all for tonight. It's been an exhausting day.