Emergence from the Ick

I haven't been to work yet. I will start on Monday. I feel this is best since I have yet to eat a meal.

In my state of Supreme Ick, I have done my absolute best to avoid my children the past two days, so as not to pass on the Ick. Both have actually seemed fine with this. I was hoping NJ would put up more of a fuss that she doesn't have her beloved Mama around, but it does give her the opportunity to take a shine to Dada, which he deserves.

I know she misses me though.

As we headed towards bed last night, she was fussing in her crib. I went and scooped her up and took her into our bed. I attempted to breastfeed her, which I didn't think would work after all the dehydration. She seemed satisfied, and the point may not have been hunger anyhow. After she was done she laid and gazed at me lovingly.

Me: "Hi, Mama."

NJ: "Ma.... *contented sigh* MA." And she promptly closed her eyes and fell asleep.

For anyone out there who questions if you could love another child the way you love you first, let me tell you. I love G, FIERCELY. I can't imagine life without him. I would go to the ends of the earth for this kid. And then NJ came along and I wondered. But moments like that, moments of loving gazes passed between us... just show me how much love a person can have. My love for NJ isn't fierce, it is gentle. I can't imagine my life without them.

I am ready now. I am ready to move on and embrace this new job with zest and zeal. My kids are important and they love me. I love them. A job changes none of that. My fears subside.