A Story They Know

Time to give up our souls,
to set fire to structures and run out in the street.

Time to ferment.
How else can we leave the world-vat and go to the lip?
We must die to become true human beings.

[sic]

With our faces so close to the love mirror,
we must not breathe, but rather change
to a cleared place where a building was
and feel the treasure hiding in us.

With no beginning or end we live in lovers
as a story they know.

If you will be the key,
we will be tumblers in the lock.
~Rumi

Today was my last visit to the pain clinic for epidural steriod injections in my back. It was a series of three injections. I felt so fantastic after the first injection, even though it ended up being a bit out of schedule since I had a saddle block injection instead of having them put me fully under. This means that I was awake during the process, as they tried to find the correct spot in spinal canal and then determine that they actually needed a longer needle. I couldn't feel pain, but I could feel every tug and prod. Not a nice feeling. Afterwords, I felt immensely better and decided there might be something to this after all.

The second shot, they knocked me out. The first time I had ever been totally out. Very weird to wake up and know stuff had happened to you, but have no recollection. To top it off, I felt so horribly, I wasn't even sure they had done the procedure.

Today I woke up in so much pain that I figured nothing they could do would make it any worse, so I went. I really *wanted* the saddle block this time to help ease the pain. It's just a bitch to sit for two hours while my legs think about waking up again.

I wish to burn down this structure. To have it rise again anew. To find the treasure hiding inside of me. What might that look like?