Ending the Week With a Bang

My dad and I talk typically talk at least once a day. Often more. He will either call after work or before bed because it's still hard for him to come home to that big empty house. As of late, his favorite question for the past couple of weeks has been "So, what good news do you have for me today?"

Good news? Since "I got out of bed this morning" and "I shined my sink" don't *really* feel like good news, I haven't quite known what to say. I have to say, though, that the week in review is EVENTFUL.

Monday
Okay, I am going to have to out Janine regarding the 911 phone calls alluded to in the previous post. This incident is one of the most hilarious and zany moments of my entire life. I am so glad my friends will go to such lengths to make me laugh.

10:13 pm
Phone rings
Me: "Hello?"
Janine, over lots of noise: "~L! I just got locked in the [nationally known] pharmacy. Everyone is gone and I can't get a hold of my husband. What do I do?"
Me: "Uh, you're where?"
Janine, over lots of noise which is suspiciously sounding like an alarm: "Well, I went up to the [nationally known] pharmacy to pick up a few things. When I turned around everyone was gone and the doors are locked. I went and banged on the manager's door and set off the store alarm. I was thinking about going out the fire exit, but it says I need a code... WHAT DO I DO?"

We discussed whether or not to call 911 briefly and then I told her I would head out the door to the pharmacy just up the street. I figured the manager's name and possibly, hopefully, an emergency number for said manager would be posted on the building. As I got into the car and screeched out of the driveway, I decided I ought to call 911 and enlist the help of professionals. (She also decided to call them as I was en route, hence the dueling "locked inside the local pharmacy" distress calls.)

As I arrived at the pharmacy, I encountered the gentleman for the security company in the parking lot. I explained the situation to him. Looking a little relieved that she wasn't heisting Valium and Snickers bars while packing heat, he immediately got on the radio and interacted with the fire department when they arrived. I called Janine on the other side of the glass and told them they were trying to get in touch with store management, and to hang in there. Luckily, the shift supervisor lived near the store and Janine was soon sprung from pharmacy entrapment.

Thursday
10:15 pm
I use the bathroom on my way to bed, you know, the typical night routine. I should have seen this coming because the water in the toilet wasn't the usual level. I should have seen this coming because my dear five year old son spent AN HOUR on the potty earlier that day. Still... I was tired and dismissed that little voice that said "This isn't right."

As I flushed, the water kept rising...

"CRAP!" (no pun intended at the time)

M comes running in the room and I am frantically clearing the toilet chamber lid. We get the lid off, but to no avail... water comes pouring over the side of the bowl. Luckily, that water was not of super icky proportions (no solids). M got the water shut off and promptly began assessing the situation. No plunger, the other drains in the house seemed to drain just fine... it must be something in the toilet.

M: "Uh, how many [kid DIY empowering] 'flushable' wipes were in the box?"
Me: "It was a fairly new pack, why?"
M: "It's empty."
Me: "Crap."
*M and I exchange knowing looks*
Me: "So, please inform your son in the morning that if he wouldn't sit on the potty for an hour and let the crap bake dry on his ass, he wouldn't feel he has to use 100 flushable wipes."
M smirks: "Oh, I will let him know."

One remolded and ready-for-fishing-expedition coat hanger, a gallon of Liquid Plumber and one late-night 24-hour Walmart plunger later, our toilet was back in working form.

Friday
I figured Janine could use a girl's lunch, so I give Kay and Janine a call. Janine's daughter Chloe had an early release day from school. I offered to pick up Chloe from school and bring her along. It was date.

I picked Chloe up from school at noon and headed across town to our restaurant destination. About 3 miles away from Chloe's school, Chloe notices that the principal of her school is driving in the car next to us.

Chloe: "Look ~L! There's Mr. Pope, the Principal of my school!"
Me: "That's cool!" I glance over to the red convertible.
Chloe: "Isn't that a pretty car?" It is a pretty car. A nice shiny fairly new mid-life-crisis kind of car.
Chloe: "Pull up next to him!"
Me: "There's a red light up ahead, you can wave at him there."

We pull up to the light. Chloe looks over and waves, to no avail. The light turns green and both cars pull into the intersection. In a split second I hear a horn and see, out of the corner of my eye, the red convertible break hard and a blue car land Ka-Thud on the side of my car. Thanks to that shiny red car, the blue car only hit my truck hard enough to leave smears of paint across both passenger doors. Shaken, I pulled across the intersection and pull over, the red car did the same. The blue car? When the light turned green, the blue car left.

WTF?!?!?!?!

Chloe, NJ and I lucked out. It could have been much, much worse. I didn't call the cops then, but I should have. I tried to file a report later that day, but the cops wouldn't take it, despite that fact I had TWO eyewitnesses and the blue car's license plate. (A gentleman who works for the city got the plate and gave me his name.)

Needless to say, it's been quite a week, let's hope next week isn't so eventful.