Bearer

There's that moment which comes in everyone's life where things slow down. Things become surreal. Irrational. When the three men wearing sheriff's hats and bright yellow rain slickers labeled "POLICE" knocked solidly on our door yesterday, my world shifted.

I was sitting in our living room with my shirt opened nursing NJ when they arrived. I made M answer the door. In my head I was running through anything that would bring the police to my house: Is there a warrant for my arrest I don't know about? Are they here to take something away? Are they soliciting for the police force?

"How well do you know your neighbors?"

I craned my head around, trying to shield my naked chest. Neighbors? Something happened? Is someone dealing drugs? Did someone break in?

M looked at the officer and stammered that yes, we know them. We talk to them when gardening, chat here and there. Did we know them really well? No, we didn't spend alot of time with them...

"There's been an accident."

I button my shirt as I head for the door.

"We were wondering if you knew them well enough to come over and sit with them for awhile. There was a car accident and their daughter was killed and her two little girls..."

I stood in disbelief a moment. The one with the little girl about G's age? Yes, the officer confirmed that. The daughter was about my age, with two kids who were not far from the ages of my own. I immediately agreed to accompany the officers. They said they were going to go deliver the news and that one would come for me momentarily.

M and I closed the door and looked at each other. I decided to finish feeding NJ before I went in search of shoes. The officers came back within a few minutes.

"They aren't home. It is possible they have already gotten the news. Thank you for agreeing to come with us. We've left some contact information for them."

And with that, they left.

Within the hour I noticed our neighbor's truck pulling into the driveway, the dark silhouette of two passengers inside. I wandered out onto the porch and saw the truck pull out again sans one passenger. I went back inside and told M that the neighbors had come home but the husband had left again.

M thought we should wait before approaching them. I agreed. The longer I sat on the couch, the more uneasy I got. The husband wouldn't have left his wife had he known. I grabbed my shoes. Our neighbors are like us, they rarely use their front door. If the officers left something on the front door, they weren't likely to see it that evening. I announced I would walk over and see if there was still something on the door.

As I walked by the neighbor's house, I could see her sitting on the couch, casually watching television. I approached the front of their house and checked the door. Nothing obvious. My heart hammered in my chest. I went up to the door and knocked. The porch light switched on and my neighbor peeked out the window and waved to me.

"Hi L! Come in!" she quipped. My heart sank, I was sure my legs would give. I walked in despite my fears.

I told her that the police had come to the house searching for she and her husband. I relayed that there had been an accident involving one of their daughters. She panicked a moment and asked if I knew which one. I couldn't say, it wasn't my place to tell her. I didn't want to misinform her, I had such limited information. Her husband pulled back in the driveway as she pulled out her address book. He walked in and I repeated the information.

They began calling. First daughter in town, left a message. Second daughter in town, spoke with briefly. Between calls, the neighbor talked about how they had just gotten back into town from one of the daughter's houses for the weekend. That the daughter followed them in her car back into town to attend a funeral of a friend. With her two girls. The daughter had been not far behind them. They were driving a big SUV. The neighbors continued calling the police department who informed them that the highway had been shut down to a major accident and they needed to take down our neighbor's information and get back to them.

The next call... the next call was to the husband of the third daughter. I held my breath and prayed this was a mistake. I prayed with all my heart that this couldn't be happening to them. But that call confirmed all our greatest fears. Their daughter and granddaughters had been killed in a car accident.

I left them in shock, preparing to go to the hospital. I am in shock too. When my mother passed away, I expected it. We had preparation. Regardless of the cancer, I expected that she pass away first before my sister and I. I think that is everyone's expectation, parents first... children later. I can't imagine how I would feel if G or NJ died before I left the planet myself.

My thoughts and prayers are with my neighbors.