What would you do for family?
I have always thought of myself as the person who is there when the gauntlet is thrown down. Somebody needs me, I go. (Hence late night trips to CVS.)
But the latest unfolding drama of the extended family has my feathers ruffled. And I don't quite know what to do about it.
My niece quit school when she was 16, because she was tired of people telling her what to do. She wanted something else, and we just couldn't convince her that staying in school was it. So, the summer G was born she came to stay with me for a couple of weeks. We talked about her future and discussed strategies on getting what she wanted in life. At the time we talked about her desire to work with animals and a career as a Vet Tech. Being the older, cool Aunt that I am, I also had a frank discussion with her about sex. I felt that with the options in life before her, getting pregnant was the last thing she needed.
So I told her about how not to get pregnant. I told her things I had learned about fertility, about natural rhythm and such. I advised the use of condoms since she had chosen to be sexually active. But, there was a flaw in my thinking. In telling her exactly how to NOT get pregnant, I also inadvertantly told her *how* to get pregnant. I never thought she would use it to her advantage.
Within two years, she was pregnant. Single, no diploma, no income, no prospects for a responsible future.
The baby's father came with my SIL and family for Christmas that year. Seeing my niece's condition was heartbreaking. She wasn't taking care of herself, her teeth rotting and body rarely washed. The baby's father was in the same boat. When we learned she was pregnant, I didn't think she could take care of a little one. The family talked about options, but my niece would have none of it. She wanted the baby.
The baby came and my niece was pregnant again within two years. The family couldn't make ends meet, living in rundown housing. Literal shacks.
My niece and her boyfriend split up, leaving her with the kids. I was too heartbroken to involve myself. I would listen to reports on her situation from other family. This is her life. She chose it.
Things had started looking up a little for my niece. She had gottan an apartment and medication through a mental health facility for an obsessive compulsive disorder. Then my niece met a guy online in another state. They met a couple of weekends ago and decided to move in together.
So, she left her kids with their daddy's mother and moved to another state. MOVED TO ANOTHER STATE. LEFT THE KIDS. And she says she's coming back for the 16 month old girl after Christmas. She's leaving the three year old with his dad. (Who is homeless and jobless.) WTF???? She's coming back in a month for one of her kids? Does this sound right?
Is it time to get involved? How involved do I want to be? The mother part of me screams to get involved and see those kids are in a better place. But I can't save the world, and since I am not there, I don't know how bad the situation truly is. The family is taking a "wait and see" position. Wait and see when she comes back, if she comes back.
My soul just aches for these children. What should I do?!?!
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3 comments:
Wow -- that's heavy. I'm praying God's will. You will be shown what to do -- even if it's nothing.
I have a friend at work who found herself in a very similar situation, she chose to get involved. Her niece that she ended up adopting had several problems, she was a victim of Munchausen’s by Proxy, they believed that she had been molested (although she won’t confirm it); she just came with a whole host of problems to lengthy to go into.
My friend who took her in had no idea what she was getting herself into; she now has to sleep with her bedroom door locked because the physiatrist told her that it would be in her best interest, because her niece could kill her while she sleeps. So in effect she has become a prisoner in her own home just for trying to do the right thing and make sure that her niece had a better life. So if you are considering getting involved (and I’m not telling you not too) just make sure that you think about the possible outcome.
Thanks for sharing, A.
This is a part of the consideration, that the kids are 3 1/2 and 16 months. If we did this, we should while they are still young enough to try to model better behavior for. In a few years, change will be more difficult.
With my own depression issues, I am not sure I can be strong enough to handle major issues with her two kids AND give my own two what they deserve from me.
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