Hosting an Alien Being

It's been one of those days where I wonder how the hell I got here. I mean, I love having my son. He is a complete joy and there are still those moments when I want to pick him up and just kiss him all over. Slurp him up. But, he's getting to that age where it's gonna be very uncool for a mom to do that to him. He'll be five in a couple weeks. Ready for kindergarten.

I watched the baby fade away and saw the child blossom in him. I looked at the calendar and thought "if we're gonna do this again, it needs to be soon." While in the process of losing my mom, I felt it especially important to give G a sibling. I wouldn't have wanted to go through that process of terminal illness alone. I have my sister. G should have someone on his side when it comes to dealing with his crazy old parents.

And so we tried, and failed once. And we tried again and succeeded. So here I am, 30 weeks pregnant (7 months for you counting it out mentally.) And I have hit the misery wall. Baby dropping, belly getting bigger, wiggles and squirms, I can't get comfortable, and I FINALLY have an appetite and I REALLY want to sleep. And, my body WANTS to cooperate with the sleep thing, except for the pressure and wiggling. Not condusive to relaxation and sleep. Hrmph. Kels did with with twins... HOW?!?!?! (Many, many kudos to Kels for pulling off that one!)

NOTE: DUE TO GRAPHIC CONTENT, SOME READERS MAY FIND THE FOLLOWING CONVERSATION UNCOMFORTABLE

It wouldn't all be so bad if baby Twiggy would just leave my damn cervix alone. I have NO idea what she's doing, tap dancing, knitting crochet... but something that is driving me up the freaking wall. My son did this to me in utero, but he chose full fledged head butting. (VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.) But only did this in the last two weeks of the pregnancy. I figured it was his way of saying "let me out of here! I am done cooking!" But this little girl... who knows.

Cervix, um, stimulation from the outside is pretty nice. From the inside? It's an insanely weird feeling. I am sure the aliens have taken over and are probing me constantly. A little bit is annoying, but alot is painful.

10 more weeks
10 more weeks
10 more weeks

It's a mantra. I can make it. It will fly by.

There's actually SO much to do! I haven't started G's big move to the bigger secondary bedroom so we can reset the nursery in his little room. It will take some work, but will be worth it in the end. I also need to get Twiggy's infant seat cleaned up and ready and all her clothes washed. (Thanks Mel!) She's gonna be one well dressed baby!

Get out the bottles, sanitize them, get out the breast feeding pillows...etc. SO MUCH TO DO! Talking about all this does get me excited. A daughter, a little girl. How precious! I have to admit, part of me doesn't want to get excited until I hold her and see her little face. It's been a hard road, with losing a pregnancy and then my mom. I want to be so careful with my emotions. I want to tip toe there and hold my breathe and pray that everything will come out as right as possible. I want assurances. I want to count those fingers and toes over and over. I want to kiss her all over and never let her go.

It is all worth it. I know it deep in my heart and these little complaints, are just part of the territory. The Journey. Few Journies are painless. That's what makes them so worthwhile. You learn and you grow and you gain more of a sense of who you are and why you are here. It's the gift of being human being.