Quali-Tea

Okay, so I *must* bring this to the forefront because it made me laugh and pays homage to my last two entries: tea and girlfriends.

For those who don't read the comments, my friend Kay posted this in the comments under "Sweet Tea" and had some very valid things to say. Iced tea is a necessity in my world. I hate water. In fact, I say there are rules for water as there are for tea. But that's another blog for another wee hour rant.

The point is: Kay and I are like-minded souls. There *ARE* rules to good Iced Tea. I can't drink Sweet Tea constantly, which is what makes it such a delicacy when I have the hankering. Even my Sweet Tooth can't handle Sweet Tea ALL the time.

So, for all who didn't read, these are the Official Kay's Rules of Iced Tea Etiquette in quotes with my humble supportive opinions:

"These are my rules for restaurant iced tea:"
"1) If you bring me anything other than real, brewed iced tea you will be replacing it with something else."

Well, duh, this is a given. I mean, tea is brewed from dried leaves not made from tiny crystals in a jar. And, oh yes, there is a HUGE taste difference. One that is hard to hide. You can't tell me that the average dried tea leaf is really THAT much more expensive than those manufactured crystals.

"2) I must have a straw to prevent the ice avalanche from falling upon my face while I am drinking it."

Amen. I also prefer the crunchy little ice nuggets as opposed to those squarish cubes that are often so slippery they jump right out of the glass when you try to stir in your Sweet-n-Low. Then you have to use your empty pink packet as a deathbed for the now melting ice cube. Messy.

"3) Iced tea should be limed, not lemoned. If you haven't got a lime, don't even bother."

Exactly. Lemons are good for water, if it's nasty tap water. Helps cover up the taste of the pipes and other inherent minerals. But seriously, if G-d gives you lemons, make lemonade, don't put them in my tea. Limes are for tea. And key lime pie.

"4) MUST HAVE SWEET'N'LOW."

MUST. MUST, MUST, MUST. When Splenda rehit the market, I noticed restaurants opted to rid of the pink packets in favor of the blue and yellow packets. That's just plain WRONG. Equal and Splenda are fine in premixed diet drinks, but they don't make "unsweet tea" very sweet. THINK PINK.

"5) When I get the proper ratio of lime and Sweet'n'Low, do not come over and mess it up with a refill unless I ask. That's just common sense."

A good waitperson knows this. They also know not to leave my glass empty either. Balance in all things. (Zen Teasim) I have forced myself to learn the art of guessing the appropriate packet portion to refill amount and usually get close enough. Still, I would rather not guess.

"6) An essential ingredient in iced tea is ICE. If my glass has runneth out of ice, just filling it with lukewarm tea does not meet the critical success factors for my chosen beverage."

Iced tea is partially named for the ICE. Same with water. I like it nice and cold, ICE cold. I am even willing to drink average tap water if it's cold enough. Okay, MOST tap water. Not Allen city tap water, that's truly nasty stuff.

"7) Iced tea IS for breakfast. It's the perfect accompaniment to eggs, potatoes, bacon and sausage. However, if there is a sweet component to the breakfast (such as pancakes or a pastry) then I must also have coffee. And that requires cream and SUGAR, not Sweet'n'Low. Don't look at me funny when I tell you all this."

As I said, I hate water. Okay, perhaps not hate, but strongly dislike. Water has taste. I like spring water, preferrably Ozarka. This makes it open season on iced tea. Even for breakfast. Even with my margharita.

And yes, coffee is a different beast. Cream and sugar are essential. (unless I am not doing the "sugar thing," then Splenda will work as a decent substitute. NOT Sweet-n-Low, which is for tea.)

Now, what I didn't say in my previous post is there they are a few essentials to Sweet Tea. First and foremost, Sweet Tea is only Sweet Tea when the sugar is poured in as the tea is brewing. Hot water melts sugar, not room temperature water and DEFINITELY not iced water. You can't put sugar in iced tea and get that same Sweet Tea result. When you pour those little sugar packets into iced tea, you get some sweet at the top and end up chewing the bottom third. Ick.